Draggin My Feet

Believe your own lies.

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 08:18:16 GMT

Why is it that people refuse to see the truth? When factual information comes out that something is happening, at what point does it become obvious to everyone that you are a fool if you refuse to believe it? The naivety is astounding. You may as well go on living in complete darkness, because if you have reached such a point you have shown a complete lack of basic logic skills.
All this talk of God and founders is sickening. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear twisted opinions on how some human system was ordained by God, or how this apparently infallible group of individuals came up with a flawless system that is now in jeopardy.

I'm just tired of the misrepresentation, half-truths, and bald-faced lies that I hear when I turn on the television to watch the news.

I think I'll refrain from it from here on out.

The Dude.

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 08:11:21 GMT

Actually having a handle on things is kind of scary. I feel much safer when things are completely out of my hands. Maybe that sounds backwards.

Actually getting things accomplished is a good feeling though. Right now, everything is cool. Maybe not if I think ahead or behind me, but right now everything is great- so I think I'll stay here for a while.

Found this on Viceland.com and felt the need to post it here.

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 05:38:03 GMT

It may not seem fair but some ladies just have an inborn regality, and that's something all the valium in the world can't take away.

Keep my hand on my gun, cause they got me on the run.

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 06:05:39 GMT

I don't think this semester's going to be as bad as I had originally thought. But it is still only the first week. We'll see.
Got my car back today. New windshield. No leaks. Coot tits.

"Now don't try to judge me by what you might have me be, for my life may not [be] your kind of success..."

I didn't do this on purpose. Literally was clicking through pictures and these are the ones I happened to open in separate tabs. Only afterward did I realize that they kind of fit together.

Contented

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:31:52 GMT

So I finished a painting this past week.
No pictures yet (because I've been lazy, as always), but I'll put them up when I get them.
I haven't put any varnish on it yet because my varnish is in the back of my car in some man's garage getting fixed right now, so even though I think I'm done with it it's not technically finished. I may still do some stuff to it. Idk.

Finding less and less worth fighting for.
Also, Fuck School.

Slow Down.

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:58:07 GMT

I've committed myself to finishing a painting this week. I'll post it on here if I actually get around to doing it. I want to just relax and not think about anything while I still can, but getting things accomplished is so much more rewarding- if I can just bring myself to do things.

It's not too often you see a real bow and arrow battle in the modern world. The picture doesn't really convey the intensity, but it's still intrigued me.

Audrey Kawasaki, working.

Work work, work...

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 08:31:50 GMT

A flyer I did for a show in February.
You should come!!

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 09:03:37 GMT

Been feeling off lately. Something's just not quite right, and I don't feel like I have the means to fix whatever it is.

Bizarre runway fashion never ceases to perplex and intrigue me. I couldn't give you an honest opinion on any of it, because I don't really understand it, but it is fascinating to look at.

As much as I despise her, I definitely can't say that she isn't physically attractive by today's standards of 'beauty'

A fucking rebel.

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:24:22 GMT

So because art is the only thing I've ever really been good at, and I have a healthy obsession with looking at pictures, I've decided that I'm going to be putting lots of pictures on here from now on. Anything that catches my eye will be on here, as will anything that I draw or paint that I feel like sharing. Maybe I'll add a video from time to time. It's easier to update and hopefully more interesting to look at.
Honestly it will probably give a more pure and complete idea of what is going through my head anyway. What we like from day to day says a lot about who we are and how we are feeling.

"The only fire I would ever start here is so that you can never say you didn't notice us"

Killer!

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:14:40 GMT

I cried the other day for the first time in a while- probably 2 or 3 years I'd say- and it was over the strangest thing.

It's funny how we can care so much about things that we have no personal investment in. Or perhaps that's looking at it the wrong way. Maybe the way to look at is, it's sad that most of the things we care about revolve around ourselves.

But it's odd for something that you stand to gain nothing from can bring tears to your eyes. Putting other people before yourself is something that is definitely a struggle though.

Tears are very humanizing. I rarely remember that.

"We dedicate ourselves daily anew- somethin' like that."

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 08:07:56 GMT

"I'm gonna commence to dedicating myself twice daily. Might come to three times before it's over with."

Churchill said to "never, never, never give up."

Contented in a strange way. I don't know about this idea of being at peace with the universe, but I think I'm completely at peace with myself for once. I'm not even actively thinking, which is extraordinary for me to say while I'm writing because that never happens.

My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas earlier and I couldn't think of any particular thing that I want. I don't want more junk to put in a drawer and never use. The things I want aren't things.

Today has been a pretty amazing day. I've been surrounded by great people all day long, and I couldn't ask for much more than that.

I guess you could say I'm finding faith: something I thought I'd lost long ago.

There really are some truly exceptional people out there, and I consider it a great privilege to know some of them.

I learn to appreciate more every day, and I am thankful for that.

Killer

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 08:23:41 GMT

I need motivation.
I need a change.
Something new.
Something worthwhile.

I've listened to the White Stripes a whole lot the past few days. These lyrics are stuck in my head.

I'm breakin' my teeth off
Tryin' to bite my lip
There's all kinds of red-headed women
That I ain't supposed to kiss
And it's that color that never fails
To turn me blue
So I just swallow it and hold on to it
And use it to scare the hell out of you

Life and living. Things I'm still figuring out.

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:24:35 GMT

I've made enough bad decisions that I have trouble trusting my heart.

At what point is something worth fighting for?
At what point do you give up hope for something?

I won't even speculate at the answers to those questions. I don't even know that those are the questions I should be asking.

People seem to be happier when they're in relationships. I see it in my friends as clearly as the difference between night and day. But relationships are something that my past experiences have made me so cynical of that I don't have any desire to let anyone in on that level. Writing this, I can only think of Jefferson Airplane lyrics that only awkwardly fit: "You better find somebody to love."
I push good things away, almost punishing myself for being me.
In writing this, I'm not implying that I am altogether dropping my cynicism, but I think I should be more open to the idea than I have been recently. Whether or not I will take my own advice is yet to be seen.

I've heard people say we only accept the love we think we deserve. Maybe so

Life comes a day at a time. Minutes drag on, and days can go on forever, but the week is over before you know it and the months and years blow by. Tomorrow isn't going to be the same as yesterday or the day after that, and that is a beautiful thing. I've already wasted enough time.
So I'm letting my guard down completely. I have set goals and am striving to attain them. Fuck whatever is here to hold me back.

If you ever need anything of me all you have to do is ask.

Sleeping through life

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 03:02:31 GMT

Changing some of my habits to make myself more relaxed. Cutting back on watching tv- trying not to fill my head with mindless garbage. Riding my bike a lot more lately has been a good thing. Helps keep my mind off shit I don't need to be thinking so deeply about. Simplifying my life and keeping a positive toward everything is refreshing. I want to start reading more. Drawing lots, painting more often than usual. The coin has been tossed, it's still up in the air. Could be uphill or down from here.

Life throws you for a loop every once in a while- for good or ill, we're stuck here living through it.
I've never been known to make the wisest decisions, so I can't say I'm expecting much.

There's some shit i just don't want to, and shouldn't have to deal with.

I've been a mess lately

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 05:12:15 GMT

Finally got my bike finished...by finished I mean I finally got around to painting it.
School has been ruling my life since it started back for the fall, but I'm working on something that I'm pretty excited about. It's simple, but those tend to be the best things.

I realize more and more the demonizing and degrading effects of money on people. It really makes me sick.

Hopefully things will work out, but at this point I'm still not betting on it.
I'm really just looking for something that will give me a bit of hope.

Fri, 23 May 2008 18:52:13 GMT

So here are some pics I took with my Holga. Nothin special. Some of the dust is part of the picture and some of it is from my dirty scanner.

My sister. She wasn't too happy I took this picture.

One of my dogs, Boris, running away from me.

Ryan working on Cory.

Cory.

Derek and Ben in a sweet 24 hour restaurant in PA.

Greg.

Katie.

Katie took this one I think.

A shitty soccer field somewhere in Blountville. My little brother's out there somewhere.

Sat, 17 May 2008 16:41:35 GMT

I did this a couple weeks ago. Kind of bad image quality, but it's what I've got for now.

found this video on one of my hard drives the other day- made me laugh.

Please don't take my silence as passiveness.

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:02:49 GMT

I want to be everything that this world isn't-

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is something I wrote for a class last semester- it's a true story- give or take a few details.

The journey was far more vile and torturous than either of us could have imagined. As the trees closed in around us, I became confused and disoriented. Had I ever been this far out? Had we strayed from everything that I had ever known?

By this time, Ray, my guide on this filthy adventure, had spotted a windy path that he decided was well enough to be taken. “Looks like this one will take us all the way there” he shouted back at me.

“Where!?” I demanded. “What cruel place are you leading me to?” For all I knew I was headed straight to the gates of hell, to be traded in exchange for a new bike, or a pack of bubble gum; the kind of things that men our age should desire more than all else.

He refused to enlighten me as to our destination, but it was too late to turn back now. Doing so would have meant certain peril. So I continued behind him, becoming more confused by the second. Suddenly he stopped, turned a complete circle, and mumbled “I don’t remember any of this.”

Dear God! I thought. We’re doomed. There was no way of knowing what manner of terrible creature was lurking in the distance, waiting for us to make a wrong move. I suggested that we keep heading in the same direction, but Ray decided to take a different path altogether.

The trees abruptly ended, and were replaced by a swampy stream. Tall grasses were all around us. Vision was limited, but we kept going. “We’ve made it!” he cried. He pulled back the grass, and told me to go ahead. In front of me were thousands of twisted, thorny, bushes. The path was completely impassible.

Where had this son of a bitch led me? Was he sure that this was the exact spot that we had been trying to reach for so long?

Then, all at once I noticed it. It was like something out of a science fiction novel; grander than I could have possibly imagined, and more vile than anything I had ever seen. It was amazing how something so small had created such an enormous thing.

Ray had been digging in the dirt for quite some time now. “Ha!” he shouted. Had I realized what was happening, even a split-second sooner, I might have been able to avoid the situation, but at that moment I had been dealt a disastrous hand.

The rock he had thrown whistled through the air, and smacked the monstrous nest of the beast. There was a moment of complete silence. We both stood wide-eyed and motionless.

In an instant, the silence was broken by a tremendous, roaring, buzz. Ray grabbed me by the arm and jerked me away, but it was too late for the both of us. It was a frenzy of buzzing and stinging, and there was no escape. The hornets had won, and we had lost; a miserable and humiliating defeat.

I should have never trusted that poor bastard.

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:03:41 GMT

I finally have some much needed time away from school this week. It's been good so far, but it is only Tuesday. I've spent most of my time reading (books, comics, whatever-) I haven't gotten anything productive done in a long time. I'm working on that. Maybe I'll be able to finish something by the end of the week- it'd be nice at least. If anybody reads this, look for either a short story or a new painting by the end of the week- and please bitch at me if I don't post anything like that- you'd be doing me a great favor.
If I can motivate myself to actually do something besides schoolwork for a change I'll be content. It's just so ridiculously draining though- schoolwork that is. After I'm finished with b/s assignments I have, I'm only ready to just sit around or do some mindless nothing. I think I've got something going now though, so we'll see how it all works out.

I can only do so much. It's up to the rest of you to do the rest.

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:37:19 GMT

Why do people feel the need to candy-coat the truth? Giving it to you with just enough sugar that you start to enjoy it for just a fleeting second, only to realize the piece of pure shit that it really is. Kind of the way I feel like a dark chocolate bar thats goodness has been spoiled by the addition of mint, or orange, or some other unnecessary taste. If people would say what they mean it would save me a lot of frustration and confusion.

I'm not even entirely sure what some people believe to be truth.

    "You don't get out much." That's what they told him. Never had he felt more trapped in all his life; not by anything that any of these daft characters had intended to mean- their point was rather insignificant in his mind- but by the strange, perplexing reality that he, in fact, had never gotten out at all. "I should very much like to get out," he thought, careful not to say such a thing aloud for fear of misrepresentation.
    You see, he was trapped. Trapped by his own consciousness, his own selfish emotions, his own fears, and his own inhibitions, he longed for a way out, but never once was willing to fight to break free from any of it.
    The thought, though beautiful, was only fleeting. He said in a whisper, "Ah, mere escapism," and the thought passed as though it had never occurred.

I doubt anyone reads this

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 02:40:29 GMT

But I haven't updated it in a while

Can't wait for UB fest. It's gonna rule.

School's ridiculous. Reading philosophy text books sucks, especially considering the chapters are around 150 pages each. But, at least I'll get good grades in all my classes and be able to transfer to someplace decent.
Still torn on what to do- don't know if i wanna do english or art. I should probably be applying to place by now- I never can seem to do things ahead of time like I should.

This month's been good so far. I hope nothing fucks it up.

time

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 20:06:32 GMT

Staying busy, though stressful at times, has the gradual effect of putting my mind at ease. I really get a lot more done when I'm busy. I just have to will myself to do it. The hardest part about art, whether it be painting, drawing, or writing (which I enjoy doing more then most anything else) for me is not the lack of ideas, it is simply my own ability to sit down and work on it rather than wasting my time.
I'm becoming much better about that, which is a great thing to me because I am getting so much more accomplished. I still find, though, that- in writing- there is none harder to write than the first word. Beyond that its a breeze.